Still Making Improvements

Yesterday was pretty good, but I did break down and have one cookie...but at least it was just ONE!! That normally never happens. My coffee is brewing and the boys are fed, Owen's eye patch is on and they are playing.

I am still thinking a lot about having another kid. I am really torn and not sure what I should do. Tim says he's done, but I'm just not sure. I'm not sure what will help me make a decision and feel good about that decision. I don't want to regret anything!

I am going to do some kind of exercise today and continue to eat healthy. I wish I could put this whole Green Tree thing behind me, but it seems like it is just going to keep being on my mind...making my anxious for a few more weeks. The lady from GT called me back today, but I don't have any desire to talk to them. I am done and I have no desire to talk to them anymore. I am going to call Tim and get his opinion. He would just like me to tell them off, but I am not that type of person.

Hope today's call doesn't throw me off today...PLH

Working Out With The Kids

Guess who just got down on the treadmill and doing free weights + abs?? That's right...this girl! AND I was able to have Kyle help hold my feet down while I did abs...he got some counting practice in himself! I'm feeling fabulous! I also got all of Owen's appointments scheduled and I'm finally feeling like I am on top of things when it comes to him. I have his eye patching down...all other appointments have been scheduled and I am going to make sure to bring him in months to get his BP checked and email it into his doctor. It's nice doing that because it saves trips up to Minneapolis. I also am excited because Kyle is eating better...he made a smoothie for snack and he was excited to make it just like mom's :) We added spinach and peas to it so I was excited too! We are having leftover chicken and veggies for supper tonight and I am going to steer clear of the cookies!

I think this blogging is going to help me...since I'm home everyday it's a way of communicating since I won't be around too many others human beings besides my family. Feeling great!!

Good, But Could Be Better

So yesterday wasn't a total failure...I did snack more than I should have at night and I should have spent the time with the family and working out instead of watching The Bachelor. I mean, I turn the TV off so Kyle plays with Owen...I need to do the same for myself. I did have a smoothie for lunch and make chicken with veggies for supper...which everyone except Owen liked. I did a few crunches and free weights, but should have done much more. Tonight I need to run on the treadmill or something. I threw away the frosting that I had been getting my sugar fix from. Unfortunately  Tim picked up M&M COOKIES!?! so I made him hide them because I know I would eat too many. I had my coffee again this morning and my shake for lunch. I am still a little anxious about this whole unemployment thing and I need to keep reminding myself that at least I am out of that horrible place and I wasn't planning on getting unemployment anyways. Time to put Owen down for his nap... BTW, Kyle has been eating veggies with every meal!! :)

Things That Throw Me Off

I was just going to town on my initial goal list and then I saw I got rejected for unemployment. I just hated the feeling I got. I HATE talking to people and I'm not good at standing up for myself. I have very little confidence and I know that the stuff my manager said was not okay and I've never left work crying before...that's how belittling his was (my manager). Obviously, I wish I didn't have to appeal it and talk to a judge, but I also know lessons are learned outside our comfort zones. I am going to try my hardest not to lose sleep over this and just tell my side of the story and hopefully they will side with me. I remember leaving work one day and saying that it's horrible that some people just have to stay working for people like my manager because they need the money. I need to think of this as potentially helping others down the road that have to work for managers like this. I can't let this and these sort of things through myself off my game and lose track of what's important. I don't want to spend all of my time and energy worrying about this and then being burnt out and crabby with my family. I just need to be prepared for the meeting and have everything written out and then hopefully I can relax. It's not until the 25th of March, but I'm sure I'll get everything written up shortly.

Deep breath in for 5 sec...hold for 5 sec...exhale for 5 sec and repeat :)

I NEED to remember what's really important in life!

First Morning

So I decided to scratch the waking up by 7AM time. I really just want to get ready for the day before coming down stairs or when it's still morning. I am not going to say how many days (like yesterday) when I spent the entire day in my pajamas. My coffee is made and both boys are fed and are now eating. Owen currently has his eye patch on and soon I will doing the dishes and later today cleaning/organizing my hallway closet... disastrous!

I just need to remind myself that I am doing the right thing by staying home. For some reason, I keep having this feeling that I should be working...but I know it's best if I stay home and I think I just need to get used to it. I received an email from someone that used to work at LM...he's the mgr at Ecolab and he gave my resume to a hiring mgr in finance and she called after I decided to stay home and then I had to keep telling myself that I shouldn't pursue it...I no longer have a nanny AND I told myself that I would be staying home.

Yummy, just had my first sip of coffee! I'm sure the caffeine will help me feel energized. I have had this cold for the last 3+ days and it's sucking out all of my energy. Besides cleaning I need to do a better job staying on top of Owen's doctor appointments. I have been falling a bit behind...scheduling wise. Time for dishes!

Enough is Enough

Today I say I have had enough...enough with the way my life has been going. For almost a year now I have completely gotten on the wrong path. I need to straighten my life out! My kids are growing up so quickly and I feel like I'm been so selfish putting my crazy 1/4 life crisis in front of every thing that REALLY matters. My body is looking awful and I feel terrible too. I have no more energy and this is not the path I want to go any further. I need to start on a new and improved path. I NEED to workout every day and start eating better and start cooking better for my family. I have decided to stay home and now I need to own up to it.

I have so many tools to make my life a better one. I have been blessed with three amazing sons and one amazing husband and I tend to forget how blessed I really am. I have been bumming around this last week and haven't really looked at how good I have it. I need to make a schedule for myself. I am good at organizing and following a list so I'm not sure why I haven't done it for my life. That should have been the first thing I organized, but I didn't and now I need to fix that!

First thing's first:
Every morning I need to be up by 7AM and start my day with a cup of coffee. I need to pickup the house and get the boys a healthy breakfast.
If I don't want the boys snacking all day, then I can't snack either. One healthy morning and afternoon snack is good, but I need to stick to it! I'm okay with a bedtime snack too :)
Lunch needs to be around the same time and I need to mix up with meals better. I need to have a smoothie for my lunch.
Dinner time needs to include veggies. A starch is pretty much a waste since really nobody likes them except myself and then I just over eat. BEFORE I start snacking at night, I MUST work out...I have many dvd's that will do...INSANITY, Brazilian Butt Lift, Kick Boxing or just running on the treadmill. Afterwards, if I'm hungry for something, I will juice something.

Tim and I need to work on our marriage and I am pretty much the one that needs to do better. Keeping up with the house work while also doing fun activities with the boys needs to be done. Playing with the boys has to be moved up to the top of the priority list...I'll regret the time I have with them if I don't'...that's a guarantee!!

I need to make time for Tim and do things he likes...it's the little things just like how I like when he does little things. I need to also update this blog daily and write down what I've done including activities with the boys...new things they've done. What I did for a workout...what I made for my meals, etc.

Lastly, I really need to stop complaining about how I hate the way my body looks and what I'm doing in my life and GET OFF MY LAZY ASS AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! I also need to stop worrying about everything. It doesn't do any good and if anything it ages me more.

I need to keep telling myself the Serenity Prayer (the reason behind the blog title):

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

Well, I'm off to bed - Tomorrow is a new day!
Ellen